Double Trouble

As many of you know, one of my favorite sports writers is ESPN.COM columnist Bill Simmons. His pieces are hilarious, smart and are always written from the perspective of a fan. One of his favorite types of columns is the running diary, where he gives his observations of a live event. For example he recently posted a diary of Red Sox pitcher Daisuke Matsuzaka’s first major league start. Last month he did a two-day diary of the first round of the NCAA tournament. And every year he writes one about the NBA Draft.

I have always wondered what it would be like to write a diary and watch a game at the same time. So I decided that I would do it tonight. Until I realized that both the Cubs and Bulls had games this evening that needed viewing. So I have decided to write a double-header diary. Cubs-Brewers and Bulls-Nets. God help me…

7:00---The Cubs game is first up, starting in a few minutes. The game is on WGN, so our announcers this evening are Len Kasper and Bob Brenley. I like the duo, but they aren’t even as close to being as entertaining as Ron Santo is on the radio.

7:06----WGN shows random shots of the Cubs bench, including manager Lou Piniella sticking both hands in his back pants pockets. Let’s hope he’s just trying to warm up his hands.

7:10----Nope, he isn’t. WGN just showed Sweet Lou again and his hands were in the exact same place. Remind me to never shake his hands.

7:12---Leadoff man Alfonso Soriano double to lead off the game. Then Jacque Jones got beaned in the leg, followed by a D-Lee fielders choice. Aramis singles and it’s 1-0 Cubbies.

7:13---Cliff Floyd triples to dead center, both Lee and Ramirez score, and it’s 3-0 Cubs. Aramis crossed the plate on a head-first slide, something he would never have done the past few seasons.

7:15----Michael Barrett gets his first hit of the year to drive Uncle Cliff home. Four-zip now.

7:18----Wow, maybe I should be doing this running diary thing more often. Mark DeRosa just hit a homer, and now the score is six to nothing. Brewers pitcher Dave Bush must be related to our President, because he just gave the ‘What the hell do I do now?’ look to his dugout.

7:27----One, two, three goes Milwaukee in the first. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; Rich Hill is going to be a very good pitcher for the Cubs very soon.

7:31----And the Bulls game is about to get underway over on Comcast SportsNet. The announcers for that game is the tallest trio of men behind the mike in the NBA: 6-10 Tom Dore, 7 footer Stacey King and the always entertaining 6-9 Johnny ‘Red’ Kerr.

7:38---With Ben Wallace injured, Bulls coach Scott Skiles has decided to go with an extra perimeter player in the starting lineup by putting in Thabo Sefelosha. Considering the Nets ‘power’ forward is 6-7 Richard Jefferson, it’s probably a good idea to go with some short, quick guys in the lineup.

7:42---Neither the Cubs or Brewers do anything in inning 2. Rich Hill is still looking good.

7:46----I love listening to Red Kerr because he doesn’t act like an announcer. He sounds like a guy talking to himself who is watching the game on his couch.

7:49---All right, I have to steal one of Simmons’ favorite jokes. Chevy just asked us whose country this is, and John Mellencamp just told us that this is ooooooooouuuuuuuurrrrrrrr country. God, I hate that ad.

7:53---No action for the Cubs or Brew Crew in the third. Rich Hill is throwing a no-no through the first time around the Mil order.

8:00---It’s a shame that Vince Carter is selfish, because if he and Jason Kidd could play team basketball, it would be amazing to watch. VC has chucked up four bad shots through the first eight minutes of the game and he hasn’t looked to pass once.

8:05---I just went to NBA.COM to see what Carter’s career high in assists is (he dished out 13 earlier this season versus Golden State) and found that the site is showing Scottie Pippen’s ten best all time dunks. Good stuff, especially when he shits on Pat Ewing in the ’94 Playoffs. (By the way, here's a link to my favorite video mix for #33 on YouTube for your enjoyment)

8:08---The first quarter is over at the United Center and the Bulls are leading 31-20. Ben Gordon is on fire, which is a good sign after his horrible performance versus Detroit last week.

8:09---Right as I switch to the Cub game, I see Soriano catch a fly ball to end the fourth. Still 6-0 Cubs and still no hits against Rich Hill.

8:17---A quick peek to ESPN to check the score of the Cleveland-Washington game shows me that the Wizards are up ten, 53-43. The Bulls want the Cavs to lose so they can extend their lead of the number two seed in the East. Washington is going to have a tough time holding on to the lead though without their two best players, Caron Butler and Gilbert Arenas, who are both out for the season with injury.

8:21---Nice six-pitch inning for Hill, who still has the no-hitter and a 6-0 lead. I purpose we start calling him Rich Boy and whenever he strikes somebody out, turn to the closest person with a scorecard and yell ‘Throw some K’s on it’.

8:24---Another shot of Piniella in the dugout, and his hands are still in his pants. I hate to say it, but I’m beginning to lose respect for this guy.

8:29---Damn you Corey Hart. Now the perfect game, no hitter, and the shutout are finished. 6-1 Cubs.

8:37---A bad call by the first-base ump and an error by Rich Boy gave the Brewers their first base runners of the game. But back-to-back pop ups and a big time K of Prince Fielder ended the threat.

8:39---You learn something new ever day. After watching the Miller Park sausage race Brenley has informed the viewers that the all time record for the race, which goes from the left field corner to right behind first base, is 20.1 seconds and was set by the Italian Sausage. (By the way, the Italian also won tonight, but his time was a few seconds off the record.)

8:42---Halftime between the Bulls and Nets, with the good guys leading 53-38. Kirk Hinrich has 16 points and Ben Gordon has 13. Vince Carter is shooting three for 11, but four of four from the free-throw line.

8:46---Cliff Floyd just crushed a ball to deep right field, driving in Jacque Jones while Aramis was out at the plate. I didn’t understand why the Cubs signed Floyd over the winter, but he can really hit well. Ryan Theriot then pinch ran for Floyd and scores after a Barrett hit. 8-1 Cubs through six and a half.

8:51---With both games on commercial, I check in on the Cavs-Wizards matchup. And as I expected, the ten point Washington lead has shrunk. At the end of the third quarter, it’s 71-68 Washington.

8:53---As Comcast cameras span the UC crowd, Stacey Kings uses the telestrator to circle his three kids and give us mini-bio’s of all of them. Johnny Red must be asleep.

8:57---It appears that Rich Boy Hill’s night is done, since Lou is sending up a pinch hitter. Seven inning, one run, one hit, six K’s, zero walks. Very impressive performance.

8:58---And the pinch hitter, Ronny Cedeno, has just hit a home run. Good move Lou, you have earned back the respect that I took away for always having your hands in your pants. 9-1 Cubbies.

9:05---I love WGN. Whenever they do the Fan Cam, they always look for the hottest girls who are wearing the least amount of clothing. Unfortunately, April in Wisconsin doesn’t provide the sights that July at Wrigley does.

9:10---Loul Deng is such a fun player to watch. In the past few minutes, he has tipped in two shots and drove in for a layup, took the foul and walked away smiling. More players like him and the NBA would begin to shed its ‘Thug’ image.

9:21---I am very impressed with the Bulls. Ben Wallace is injured and not playing. Tyrus Thomas is sick and not playing. And yet they are beating a playoff bound team by 19 points heading into the fourth quarter. Great job by the team defense, limiting New Jersey to only 37 percent shooting, 31 percent from three-point range.

9:23---A quick update on the other game of importance. Cleveland is now leading 91-85 with a minute and a half left in the game. Washington is going down faster then Phil Mickelson at the Masters.

9:29---After a two run double by Kevin Mench, pitcher Angel Guzman gets Cory Hart to ground out. CUBS WIN 9-3!

9:35---Red Kerr just kissed one of his assistants (a woman), causing Stacy King to make fun of him because whenever his male assistant is there, Kerr never even talks to him. Kerr responds by saying “At least I have an assistant.” I’m not sure if that was meant to be funny or if these two just don’t like each other.

9:42---When the Bulls reach 100 points, everybody at the United Center gets a free Big Mac. So when Thabo makes a lay-up with 3:08 left, Kerr and King yell “Sandwich time!” I guess they are friends after all.

9:47---Seeing Michael Sweetney run the floor reminds us all of the importance of eating healthy. Maybe those Big Mac's aren't such a good idea.

9:51---BULLS WIN 105-74!

9:55--After about three hours of switching chanels, checking box scores and writing, my running diary double header is over. It was quite successful too, with both the Cubs and Bulls winning easily. I would say the MVP’s of the night would be Rich Boy Hill and Loul Deng, both of whom played very well. Enjoy the weekend…