Go shorty, it's yo birthday

Happy Birthday America! For your present we’ll crack open a twelve pack of random thoughts.

1) Before I get to anything else, I’d like to offer my condolences to Randy Walker’s family, as well as all of the Northwestern players, students, staff, administration and to all Wildcat fans in general. I know that I make fun of NU athletics from time to time, but you could argue that no coach in America got more out of his situation then Walker did. Think it’s easy to reach bowl games at a school with no tradition (well, no winning tradition), outdated facilities, and tough academic standards, especially when going against schools like Wisconsin, Iowa and Illinois? How about getting through the distraction of a player who you had watched throughout high school, convinced him to spur local schools UCLA and Cal-Berkley and got him to leave the Golden State and come to Evanston, only to watch him collapse and die on your watch? As an Evanstonian, Northwestern supporter and college football fan, I will miss Randy Walker. May he Rest In Peace.

2) The big news in the Chi today is the Bulls signing of Ben Wallace. Maybe I’m in the minority here, but I’m not too excited about this. Let’s look at some numbers: Wallace will be 32 when the season starts in October and 36 when the contract expires, meaning the Bulls will get only one season of Wallace in his prime. His rebounding, which is his main skill, has gone down in each of the past three seasons, as has his minutes per game. He offers no offensive skills, and will be almost un-tradable with his $12.4 million a year contract. Plus he has shown attitude problems in the past when coaches got in his face, not a good sign when Scott Skiles is the one calling the shots. Getting rid of Tyson ‘toothpick’ Chandler (rumor has him going to New Orleans/ OK City for PJ Brown and JR Smith, which is fine) will be a plus, but I’m just not convinced that Big Ben is the Bulls man.

3) The second part of the Wallace signing is whether this puts the Bulls closer to a title. And the answer is still a no in my eyes. Maybe John Paxon wasn’t watching, but to me, the three best players in the Eastern Conference playoffs this year were Dwayne Wade, LeBron James and Gilbert Arenas; all perimeter players. Though the team with the best big man ended up winning, it wasn’t because of Shaq that Miami has the title, it’s because of Wade. Drafting Ty Thomas and the Thabo Sefolosha are good starts, but a big guard would have been money better spent then giving it to Wallace. Still if were in Grant Park next summer celebrating a title, I’ll be the first to admit I was wrong and mad props will go to Paxon and Wallace.

4) The MLB all-star teams were announced yesterday, and like every year, some people are astounded that a player from the Royals or Rockies got on, and that he’s now the worst All-Star of all time. I don’t understand how Bud and his boys can make the ASG worth something (home field advantage in the World Series) but yet still force every team to have a representative. Either make it a fun game where the purpose is to make baseball fans from all around the country happy or make it a competitive game where the best players play all nine innings and the managers make decision like they would in a September pennant race game.

5) Another crazy rule change that should be in place in the All-Star game is a mandatory designated hitter. Why on Earth should baseball fans all across America be forced to watch Tom Glavine hack away when Ryan Howard or Miguel Cabrera is sitting on the bench doing nothing? Even in the National League parks, I doubt too many baseball traditionalists would argue that a DH is a good idea.

6) As for the Cubs, their only representative is Carlos Zambrano. Personally, as a fan that gets to watch him every five days anyways, I would love to see Big Z in the home-run derby instead of the actual game. Imagine seeing him step up and take those powerful hacks against the likes of Ortiz, A-Rod and Glaus. That would be fun. I bet he’d do better then at least one real hitter.

7) I was watching ‘Major League’ a few days back and realized how similar the Indians in that movie are to the Cubs, except for the stripping owner and amazing playoff run. The manager, Lou Brown, has no clue what he’s doing (Dusty). Rick ‘Wild Thing’ Vaughn throws hard but can never get it right (Kerry Wood). The hard-ass catcher Rick Taylor is determined to get the team going in the right direction (Michael Barrett). Willie May Hayes is fast when he gets on, but has trouble actually reaching first base (Juan Pierre). And the broadcaster, Harry Doyle, is so outrageous and hilarious that it hides the fact he doesn’t have a high baseball IQ (Ron Santo). If only the real Cubs traveled to road games via broke-down bus and they had a player who rubbed special potions on his bats. By the way, other then ‘Caddyshack’, 'Rocky', and ‘Friday Night Lights’, ‘Major League’ is the best sports movie ever made.

8) In other baseball news, I find the whole Jose Conseco stuff hilarious. Not what he said, because the sad thing is that Jose is probably telling the truth. The funny part is that at age 42, Conseco is now pitching for the San Diego Surf Dawgs in the Independent Golden Baseball League. I wish I were making that up, because that team nickname is just so great. The Surf Dawgs. I wonder why that hasn’t caught on with any pro franchises?

9) Switching to football, ESPN has been doing their ‘NFL Power Rankings’ all week long. And after everything was calculated, the Bears were listed 16th best team in the league. (Tops in the NFC North) I don’t know if that signals that the Worldwide Leader doesn’t respect Lovie and the boys, or if they really think that the offense is that bad. If some receiver step up, and if Thomas Jones and Cederic Benson agree to share carries and if Rex can stay healthy, I see no reason why the Bears shouldn’t get at least double-digit wins.

10) So Germany and Italy are facing off in the World Cup semifinals? I have no rooting interest, though I think it would be awesome if somebody hyped it up as the ‘Clash of the Axis Powers’. Just imagine if the game were played in Japan.

11) Since this blog is supposed to be about my vending, I’ll give you a brief update. First of all, Sunday’s 15-11 Cubs win was the first Cubs victory I’d worked since May 30, meaning I had a ten game work-losing streak. Second, I have been earning a bit less then I did at the start of the year, due to the lack of on-field success and also the number of vendors has gone up, giving me more competition. My season average is $123.10 a game, down from $135 from the beginning of the year.

12) Honestly, I can’t think of anything to write hear. So I’ll just tell everyone to have a great holiday, stay safe, and don’t forget to watch new ‘Chappelle’s Show’ episodes on Sunday.