But since I didn’t write something earlier in the week, I’m going to make up for it by answering some key questions about America’s favorite last-place football team, your (and mine) Chicago Bears.
Q: What the hell happened to the Bears last Sunday?
A: Adrian Peterson took the field at Solider field for the Vikings. The rookie ran all over the Bears, both on handoffs and kick returns, and nobody wearing blue decided to tackle. We had no shot.
Q: Was Peterson that good or was the D just real bad?
A: Without taking anything away from A.Pete, who was an absolute beast, but I have to give the blame to the Bears defense. First off, what happened to our defensive line? It wouldn’t have mattered if that was Adrian Griffin of the Bulls running the ball, he still would have gotten four yards a carry. The holes were huge. Second, any football fan could have told Lovie and Co. that the Vikings didn’t want to have Tarvarias Jackson win a game on the road in the division. It was obvious that Minnesota’s game plan was run on first, run on second, run on third. They had no intention of putting the game in Jackson’s hands, yet the QB still threw for a touchdown with no interceptions. And third, if Danieal Manning is going to get benched for jagging horribly in the Super Bowl, then can’t Adam Archuleta get benched for jagging horribly all freakin season? Like with the Rex saga of the past fifteen months, Lovie is way too loyal to his guys.
Q: So the Bears got killed?
A:
Well, no, but that’s only because of Mr. Ridiculous, AKA the Windy City Flyer, AKA Devin Hester showed up. That man is absolutely INSANE. I love Urlacher, I love D-Lee, I love Loul Deng. But I have to say Hester is the best Chicago athlete since Michael Jordan retired in 1998 (Note the #23 connection). On Sunday, he returned one punt 89 yards for a score, but it wasn’t your usual, catch the kick, juke once and run fast type return. It was an amazing catch the kick, followed by a spin, a few steps backwards, then a jaw-dropping double juke where he somehow got through four guys at once, and then hit the acceleration and just blew by everybody else. My brother and I had to rewind the TiVo at least four times to relive the magic. Then, in the fourth quarter, with the game seemingly over, Hester ran right past the Vikings secondary for an 81 yard TD to tie the game with under two minutes left. Again, another sight to behold. Not necessarily for the score, but for the fact that Ron Turner actually ran a play for the leagues most exciting player. They still lost though, 34-31 on a last second field goal by Minnesota kicker Ryan Longwell. Q: The season’s over, right?
A: Were pretty close. At 2-4, with no signs of life on the once dominant defense, a struggling running game, and a QB who is afraid to put the ball in the air, I can’t say I like the Bears chances of making the playoffs. But with that being said, it’s not like I really can say I like any other team in the NFC North’s chances either. The Packers are in first place now, and have played pretty well, but I’m still not sold that they can last an entire season with a 38year-old QB and no run game. The Lions still don’t play a lick of defense, and the Vikes don’t have a pass offense or pass defense.
Q: Who do we have this week?
A: The Bears travel to the City of Brotherly Love to face fellow Chicagoin Donovan McNab and the Eagles.
Q: Crap, the Eagles. On the road. Were screwed, aren’t we?
A: As Lee Corso would say, not so fast my friend. The Eagles, like the Bears, aren’t nearly as good as the so-called experts thought they would be before the year began. A few weeks ago they got creamed by the Giants 16-3, even though it should have been more like 46-3. McNab got sacked twelve (yes, 12) times that night, six of them by New York end Osi Umenyiora. If ever there were a game for Mark Anderson, Alex Brown and Adewale Ogunleye to show up for, this would be it. Add to that all the injuries Philly is facing, from running back Brian Westbrook to tight end LJ Smith to safety Brian Dawkins, and this is far from the team that was one brain-fart coaching move by Andy Reid to making it to the NFC Title game.
Q: So, with two of the biggest markets in the league, is FOX putting their best announcers on the game?
A: Of course not. Why would they do that? Didn’t everybody receive the memo notifying them that Dick Stockton has been sent to kill us all? That’s why he goes from announcing the Cubs playoffs failure strait to announcing Bears games every Sunday. And of course, he’ll be in the booth this Sunday. Now normally, I don’t get bothered too much by stuff like that. If my record are correct, it seemed like the Bears had the Kenny Albert-Moose Johnson-Tony Siragusa crew for about ten of last year’s sixteen regular season games. And yeah, I got kind of tired of hearing the Goose jump into a conversation when he wasn’t busy chomping down on turkey legs. Looking back though, it wasn’t too bad. (And no, I don’t really keep records on stuff like that.) But Dick Stockton is just horrible. His voice gives me headaches. He says player’s names wrong. He’s never sure if a play is going to be challenged or not, so he kind of waffles around, giving both arguments while somehow not making any sense at all. I’m seriously considering watching this week’s game on mute to avoid going in a psychotic rage from listening to the Dick. Please FOX, you got to do something. Give us somebody else, I’m begging you.
Also, one more thing for FOX. If you ever think about using that stupid camera from the twenty-five yard line again, the one where the viewer can’t see anything that is happening on half of the field and sometime loses view of the quarterback when he’s dropping back, you need to smack some sense into your brain. That camera was the worst invention in TV sports since the NBA on NBC tried that sky cam that followed the play and gave everybody watching motion sickness.
Q: Who will win, Bears or Eagles?
A: I refuse to give up on this Bears team, especially with a healthy Devin Hester. Philly would be stupid to kick to him, but who knows. I’ll say Bears 17 Eagles 14 (Notice I still can’t accept that the Bears defense is as bad as it’s been the past four weeks)
Now, on to the rest of the week seven picks….
My picks in bold
Tennessee at Houston
Tampa Bay at Detroit
New England at Miami
Atlanta at New Orleans
San Francisco at New York Giants
Baltimore at Buffalo
Arizona at Washington
Kansas City at Oakland
New York Giants at Cincinnati
Chicago at Philadelphia
St. Louis at Seattle
Minnesota at Dallas
Pittsburgh at Denver
Indianapolis at Jacksonville
Last Week: 7-6
Season to Date: 54-35 (61%)
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